Ten Classic Football Quotations made about 'Our Beautiful Game'

I have no morals when it comes to dealing with my clients. I would deal with the Devil to get the best deal for them - ERIC HALL, Football Players Agent, 1989.

Three or four of the Villa lads buy quality newspapers. At Crystal Palace it was always eight Suns and four Mirrors - GARETH SOUTHGATE, Aston Villa defender, 1996.

Maybe my players have a rampant sex life when they stay at home on Friday nights - TERRY BURTON, Wimbledon manager on his team's poor home form, 2001.

It's not the sex that tires out young players. It's the staying up all night looking for it - CLEMENS WESTERHOF, Dutch coach to Nigeria, 1994.

On my debut for Besiktas they sacrificed a lamb on the pitch. Its blood was daubed on my forehead for good luck. They never did that at QPR - LES FERDINAND, England striker recalls his spell in Turkey, 1995.

The average English footballer could not tell the difference between an attractive woman and a corner flag - WALTER ZENGA, Italy goalkeeper, responding to Wimbledon manager Bobby Gould's quips that his players wanted the phone numbers of the Italian players' wives while the Azzurri were away at the World Cup, 1990.

Football takes all my pressures. The Police have my passport and I'm not allowed to train with the other players, but nothing bothers me out on the pitch - MICKEY THOMAS, Wrexham captain, as his team's FA Cup run coincided with his release on bail on charges of counterfeiting currency, 1992.

Liverpool won the FA Cup a few years ago with a team of eleven foreigers, including Scots, Welsh and Irish. Now we have Spanish, French and Italians. They speak better English, are more civilised and know how to use a knife and fork - KEN BATES, Chelsea chairman, on the influx of players from abroad, 2000.

Someone asked me last week whether I missed the Villa. I replied 'No I live in one' - DAVID PLATT, former Aston Villa player on life with Bari in Italy, 1991.

Football and politics are much the same. They're both full of people who are jealous of success - TONY BANKS MP, Labour, former Minister of Sport, 1999.

Football Jargon - A Language In a League Of Its Own!

All sports have their own jargon but none is so great as 'the language of football.'

All professions like to envelop themselves with an air of mystery and often do this be by inventing/creating a language of their own, that both confuses and belittles outsiders. Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, IT Specialists - all rely on our fear of their superior knowledge to safeguard their interests.

Of all sports, football arouses the blindest loves and the bitterest hatreds, and as a result football commentators, reporters, players and managers have developed a way of speaking to express these deepest emotions.

Football is 'unique' in that it has a language that is both lacking in poetry and invention!

This extraordinary dialogue has been created through the sheer passion felt by all those who have an affiliation with the game, and could be summed up as an assortment of incredible claptrap, baloney, mumbo jumbo, drivel, tripe and balderdash!

The contrast for example between the facility with which 'star players' express themselves on the pitch and their inarticulacy off it can be a source of embarrassment and humour!


Without further ado, here are some of my favourites:

'He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces' - Ron Atkinson.

'Hagi could open a tin of beans with his left foot' - Ray Clemence.

'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven dicks on the field' - Metro Radio.

'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.' - David Coleman.

'It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Everytime there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card' - Kevin Keegan.

'We had 99 per cent of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match' - Ruud Gullit.

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel' - Stuart Pearce.

'When a player gets to thirty, so does his body' - Glenn Hoddle.

'The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.' - John Helm.


Stock Phrases:

'We were robbed.'

'We gave 110 per cent.'

'This match is a definite six-pointer'

'A peach of a ball.'

'That was a bad goal to concede.'

'Now would be a good time to score'

'A schoolboy howler'


And I ask you:

Why is a left foot either 'trusty' or 'educated', but a right foot is neither?

Why is a bad back pass almost invariably 'suicidal' ?

Why are hooligans always a 'tiny minority' even when there seem to be hundreds of them throwing seats across Kenilworth Road?

Classic Football Quotations said by Football Fans or made about Football Fans - Part Two

It'll be a good day for the burglars and one one when the sheep will be left in peace - DICK CAMPBELL, Brechin City manager, on the exodus of fans from the city (population 10,000) to Rangers for a Scottish Cup tie, 2001.

To celebrate Arsenal's defeat in Europe, 10 per cent off everything - ADVERT by the food retailer 'World of Kosher' in the Jewish Chronicle, 2004.

The fans all had the the complexion and body scent of a cheese and onion crisp, and the eyes of pit-bulls - MARTIN AMIS, novelist, reviewing a book on football hooliganism, 1991.

A policeman called me at home. Friday night again. He'd caught a dozen courting couples in the stand and asked me what to do with them. I told him to fix the bloody fence and board 'em in. Best gate of the season it would have been - FRED WESTGARTH, Hartlepool's manager, 1957.

We don't need Viagra to stay up - BANNER by Charlton fans, a month before their team were relegated, 1999.

I always answer letters from supporters. It's death threats I object to - REG BURR, Millwall chairman, 1990.

Even the hooligans had a good time and enjoyed the party. Maybe the cannabis relaxed them - JOHAN BEELAN, Dutch police chief, on the behaviour of England fans in Eindhoven, 2000.

The English stick their psychos in Broadmoor, while the Welsh put theirs in Ninian Park - FULHAM FANZINE, There's only one F in Fulham, awarding Cardiff supporters 0 out of 10 in their 'Best Fan' poll, 1995.

I expect abuse, but I also got a hamburger and about £4.50 in change - GARY NEVILLE, Manchester United captain, on objects thrown at him by Liverpool fans at Anfield, 2006.

Will the owner of a horse attached to a rag-and-bone cart in the visitors' car park return to his vehicle immediately - ANNOUNCEMENT at Cardiff City when West Ham were the visitors, 2004.

He told me I was a dead man and that I wouldn't get out of The Den alive. Then he said I was fat. I said: 'Have you looked at yourself lately?' - KEVIN PRESSMAN, Sheffield Wednesday goalkeeper, on being confronted by a pitch invader at Millwall, 1995.

Are you Tamworth in disguise? - SONG by Burton Albion fans as Manchester United were held 0-0 in the FA Cup against the non-league side, 2006.


To see more classic quotations made by Fans, Managers, Chairmen and Players alike posted on this site previously, type Quotations into the search box in the top left hand corner of the page).

Classic Football Quotations said by Football Fans or made about Football Fans - Part One

When we won the league in '89 it was the most cosmic thing that had ever happened. Better than any orgasm ever - EMMA YOUNG, an Arsenal fan, as quoted in Tom Watt's, The End: 90 Years of Life on Arsenal's North Bank, 1993.

At 6.45 the Millwall supporters were taken under escort towards the stadium. As they passed a public house, a group of 30-40 males came out, and bottles and glasses were thrown and pub windows smashed. After a while it became apparent that both groups were from Millwall and each thought the other were Bristol City supporters - REPORT from the National Criminal Intelligence Unit, before a match at Ashton Gate, 2001.

The only point worth remembering about Port Vale's match with Hereford on Monday was the fact that the attendance figure, 2,744, was a perfect cube, 14 x 14 x 14 - LETTER from a 'Disillusioned Supporter' to Stoke-on-Trent's Sentinel newspaper, 1979.

Adrian attends Bromley Comprehensive and is a keen goalkeeper. In his spare time he likes listening to music and playing computer games. His favourite players have left the club. - CRYSTAL PALACE programme on the mascot for a game v. Leicester, 1999.

It wasn't so much the death threats or the vandalism, but when you sit with your family in the directors' box and hear a couple of thousand people chanting 'Gilbert Blades is a wa*ker,' then you feel it's time to go - GILBERT BLADES, on resigning as Lincoln chairman in Anton Rippon's book Soccer: The Road to Crisis, 1982.

It's the right of every Englishman to fall asleep if he wants, particularly if he is watching Arsenal - JUDGE Michael Taylor quashing a fan's conviction for drunkenness after he dozed off during a match, 2004.

I went with two friends to watch Forest's game at Barnsley. It cost over £60 to watch the football equivalent of what French farmers have been feeding their cattle - LETTER to Nottingham's Football Post, 1999.

Man offers marriage proposal to any woman with ticket for Leeds v. Sheffield United game. Must send photograph ( of ticket ) - ADVERT in Yorkshire Evening Post as Second Division title race came to the boil, 1990.

I don't think it's much fun when 50,000 spectators are singing 'Posh Spice takes it up the ar*e' every weekend - VICTORIA BECKHAM on the TV documentary Victoria's Secrets, 2000.

At the Worthington Cup Final, when there was trouble on the pitch, with Robbie Savage involved, there was this guy behind me yelling: 'Savage, you cheating, long-haired, gypsy Welsh c*nt.' I had to turn to him and say: 'Oi mate, less of the Welsh.' - PAUL WHITEHOUSE, comedian, actor and Welsh-born Tottenham fan, 1999.


(To see more classic quotations made by Managers, Chairmen and Players alike posted on this site previously, type Quotations into the search box in the top left hand corner of the page).